How to give and receive feedback effectively

Table of contents

• Introduction
• Why is feedback important?
• When to give feedback
• When to ask for feedback
• How do you give feedback?
• How do I get feedback?
• Giving feedback in private or in public?
• A method for giving feedback
• What if the feedback doesn't work?
• Video

Introduction

Every day of our lives, we have the chance to let our colleagues shine, to tell them what they're doing right, and to highlight their all-important personal contribution to the team. Every day, we also have the chance to help them grow and make them better.

The important thing is to have the courage, even when the situation is difficult, to have the necessary empathy, even when it's uncomfortable, to tell them what we think because we know that our message will help them improve. Giving feedback is hard, of course. However, these conversations are often the most important and rewarding we can have to improve as individuals and as a team.

Why is feedback important?

Several studies show that feedback leads to greater commitment, collaboration, results and motivation within a team. Beyond the literature on the benefits of feedback, here are 3 reasons why we believe it's important at Hubu:

1. Because I care about my colleagues and the organization. Giving and receiving feedback means stepping out of your comfort zone for the common good. It's uncomfortable, but I care about others.

2. Because feedback builds trust. Giving feedback regularly and in the right way helps to create a reassuring atmosphere within the team.

3. Because if you don't address things, problems persist. At Hubu, one of our most important rules is: "If you're wondering whether you should talk about it, then you should talk about it".

It's important to remember that the purpose of giving someone feedback is not to change them. Changing someone is not our responsibility. We can't change people. Our responsibility is to hold up the mirror as best we can. The rest is up to them. It's their responsibility!

When to give feedback

At Hubu, we've developed a simple rule for knowing when it's time to give feedback: when you're wondering whether you should talk about it, it's time to talk about it. When your inner self says, "Maybe I should address this situation," it's because you should. By not addressing positive feedback, people are deprived of the greatest gift of all. Conversely, by failing to address constructive feedback, problems persist.

At Hubu, we use the metaphor of the bank and feedback. Imagine that each of your relationships is a bank account. When you open a bank account, when you start the relationship, the account is at zero. No deposits and/or withdrawals have yet been made into the account.

In this relationship account, you can choose to deposit weekly. Examples of deposits are: listening with presence, being kind, giving recognition, being of service, spending quality time or offering a gift. Conversely, you can choose to make weekly withdrawals. Examples of withdrawals are: not addressing things, talking behind a person's back, not communicating your expectations, never praising the other person or acting without thinking. In the end, you choose what kind of relationship balance you want to have with each person.

One thing's for sure: feedback goes a long way to increasing this relationship balance.

When to ask for feedback

The rule quoted above, "If you're wondering whether it's worth talking about, then it's worth talking about", also applies to the recipient who would like to receive feedback. We often think it's the giver's responsibility to start the conversation. At Hubu, we believe it's a shared responsibility. If the receiver magically hopes to receive feedback, he or she must be patient. It may take a long time before he receives it.

When you ask people, "Would you rather give or receive feedback?" The answer is the same for everyone: people prefer to receive feedback more than to give it. According to one study, people even prefer to receive constructive feedback rather than positive. After all, most people want to improve and are looking to become better.

In general, people are neutral towards giving positive feedback but tend to avoid giving constructive feedback because it makes them uncomfortable.¹. This is one of the reasons why we encourage you to go ahead and ask for feedback. If you're passive when it comes to receiving feedback, you may well have to wait weeks or even months for it.

Don't be afraid to ask for feedback: everyone needs it, and you'll be helping to increase your relationship balance with the person you dare to ask.

How do you give feedback?

Giving effective feedback is a relational skill that takes years of practice to master. Like your favorite sport, it takes practice to become comfortable and proficient at giving feedback. At Hubu, we believe that the important thing is not to put too much pressure on yourself regarding the structure of your feedback. Don't waste too much time trying to formulate the perfect feedback. It's not about being a spectator, it's about being in the game!

"All credit belongs to the one who really goes down into the arena, whose face is covered in sweat, dust and blood, who fights valiantly, who makes mistakes, who fails again and again - for there is no effort without error and failure."
-Theodore Roosevelt, the man in the arena

Here's an easy 4-step technique to remember that'll give you a home run every time. It's called the FACT technique. We were inspired by the Rosenberg Method (non-violent communication).

1. What does it do to me?
   Feeling - Express how this situation makes you feel. Express your feelings and emotions.

2. What are the facts?
   Behavior - Express the facts of the situation. Stick to the facts, your observations, and put aside your judgments.

3. What does it do?
   Impact - Express how this situation affects you and others. Share the impact of the situation on yourself and others.

4. What do we do with it?
   Suggestion - What do we do with this situation? Formulate your needs, suggest solutions and start a conversation.

Here's an example of positive feedback:

1. I'm very grateful for your support.

2. Thank you for taking the time to answer my call late last night, even though it was after hours. I really needed this information to respond to my client.

3. It's reassuring to be able to count on you, you're always available for me. In the end, the customer was happy too.

4. I need your support when a situation like this arises. As you know, I don't intend to bother you at this hour very often, but it's appreciated that you take the time to answer me.

Here's an example of constructive feedback:

1. I felt disengaged and uncomfortable.

2. During our video conference call, I noticed that you spoke for more than 75% of the time.

3. At a certain point, I noticed that other people began to be less present and more distracted.

4. I'd like you to be more attentive to others next time, and one suggestion is to listen more.

Also, what do you do before you give a gift? You wrap it! In other words, you prepare it. The same goes for feedback: when it's more formal, take the time to prepare it in advance. When it's informal, keep it simple and express yourself simply, with love and kindness.

In both cases, formal and informal, here are a few best practices when giving feedback. Remember that feedback is a gift that gives others the chance to receive your point of view.

• Give it with love and kindness. Have a positive intention.

• Be in the right emotional frame of mind to offer feedback. If you're feeling emotional about a situation, take a step back from it.

• Ask permission before giving it away. This predisposes the receiver to better welcome feedback.

• Make sure it's the right time and place to give it. Plan the feedback in advance to make sure the time and place are right.

Finally, don't waste too much time trying to formulate the perfect feedback. Like an athlete, the important thing is to be in action and to improve through practice.

How do I get feedback?

Why is it so difficult to receive feedback? We all have our own histories, beliefs, life experiences, upbringings and saboteurs, and what may seem to be the absolute truth to one person may not be to another. What do you see in the image above? Perhaps you see a young woman? Perhaps you see an old woman? Perhaps you see both?

Receiving feedback requires a great deal of humility. It's about putting down your glasses and accepting to take on the other person's glasses for a moment, to see and understand their perspective.

"If you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change!"
- Wayne Dyer

The magic of it is that your ability to receive feedback is like an artist who changes the angle to see his painting differently. With practice, you'll see perspectives you've never seen before.

Here are some good practices to follow when receiving feedback. Remember that feedback is a precious gift that allows you to grow and improve.

• Be grateful and say "Thank you! What do you do when you receive a gift?

• Welcome the other person's positive intention. Over 99% of people are well-intentioned.

• Be open and listen. Don't get defensive or try to make excuses.

• Be curious about the other person's point of view. Use this formula to be curious "Can you tell me more...?"

• Try to see the 2% of truth in what the other person says. Feedback is never the absolute truth, but there is always a part of it. If you can't see it, question your open-mindedness.

Finally, what do you do when you receive a gift? Say thank you and then what? You have the choice of using it or not. Remember that feedback is rarely 100% truth, it's only an opinion. It's putting on another person's glasses for a moment. You always have the choice to do what you want with the feedback you receive.

Giving feedback in private or in public?

At Hubu, we believe both are possible. A rule from Kim Scott's book Radical Candor is this: "Praise in public and criticize in private²». We approach this in the same way as Kim Scott, but with a few nuances. This rule doesn't mean it can't be broken. We break it in our TeamTalk game.

Public praise is very powerful for generating trust within the team and also for getting to know each other better. When you share positive feedback publicly, not only does it create a great sense of accomplishment for the person concerned, but it also helps the whole team learn something new about that person. To maximize the impact, be sure to provide details of what the person did, the impact and the context so that the whole team understands.

Private criticism is recommended if you want to get a specific message across to an individual, for example in the context of a statutory meeting (performance meeting). However, we believe it's also possible to do so in public. For example, in level 4 of the TeamTalk game, we address constructive feedback mainly to the team and sometimes even to individuals (the team leader is often the first to want constructive feedback from the whole team in public). Before we can do this, it's important to build trust, so we go through the different levels and have the chance to break the ice and build trust.

Another powerful exercise we use in TeamTalk is public self-criticism. Throughout levels 3 and 4 of the TeamTalk game, certain cards such as "What I should start doing to be a better team player..." are powerful, as they lead to introspection and discovery of others.

This doesn't mean you only have to praise in public; we also encourage recognition in private. The important thing here is to be kind and to do the thing that will have the greatest impact on the person concerned. At Hubu, we use the TeamTalk method of giving and receiving feedback.

A method for giving feedback

At Hubu, we use the TeamTalk game method to give and receive feedback as a team. This game is more than a game, it's an experience that untangles the knots of communication and allows you to have the conversations you've always wanted to have, but never had. TeamTalk is your ally in generating genuine conversations, boosting performance and team commitment.

The game is based on Hubu's 6 fundamental principles:

1. Connection - We're all connected.

2. Vision - We are committed to the same vision.

3. Responsibility - We're stronger together.

4. Communication - We generate conversation.

5. Safety - We courageously embrace the imperfect.

6. Trust - We see the good in everyone.

If you're looking for a simple strategy to improve your team's well-being, look no further than this one. You can play in person with the physical game or virtually with the digital application. If you have any questions about the game, schedule a call with a member of our team who will listen to you.

What if the feedback doesn't work?

Feedback is not one-way, but a two-way conversation that leads to change. What if it doesn't work? Remember that your responsibility is to hold up the mirror as best you can, and the rest of the change is not up to you. You can't change people for them. What you control are your behaviors and attitudes. We leave you with this phrase from Simon Sinek: "Be the leader you wish you had."

Sources

1. Your employees want the constructive feedback you hate to give. Harvard Business Review.

2. La Candeur Radicale | Kim Scott.

Video

Here's the interactive workshop for this article, as well as aparticipant's booklet.

Hubu: Because We Are.